Your existential fix, served straight from Los Angeles
Friday, November 13, 2009
defeat by solipsism
Someday, I will write an actual blog entry. Vulnerable, raw, true, and inevitably embarrasing. In the meantime though, I am totally continuing to hide behind my nihilism.
You know, I just remembered that you were the one who pointed me in the direction that eventually became my current philosophy. It was a conversation we had in college (which is wierd, because I hardly remember having conversations with you in college... or since, really...) I think it was even a chance encounter in the Quad, not even a sitdown talk. Anyway, I'd been struggling with heavy existential meaninglessness, not always present, but a darkness ominously pressing in the edges of the picture frame. We got talking about purpose, you said you were existentialist. I asked you, don't you find it horrifyingly empty to live in a world with no God, meaning or purpose? And you responded with the totally novel concept that in a world with no God, meaning or purpose, with no high judge in the sky or forewritten destiny, you have the freedom to find your own purpose, to make your own destiny. It's actually quite liberating. To you, in fact, the idea of a higher power dictating your life and purpose was quite unsettling.
You then continued on to the dining hall like some sort of messenger, and I went home and read the Camus book that had been sitting on my shelf for years. A few Camus books and a few years later I've come to a sort of epicurean moral relativism that suits me quite well.
So, thanks :)
Also, I happened to be scanning your gallows speeches post above while I was ringing up my girlfriend. I got to Oscar Wilde's "either that wallpaper goes or I do" right as she picked up--and had a hell of a time explaining to her why I burst out laughing as soon as she said 'hello.'
Beautiful! lol
ReplyDeleteYou know, I just remembered that you were the one who pointed me in the direction that eventually became my current philosophy. It was a conversation we had in college (which is wierd, because I hardly remember having conversations with you in college... or since, really...) I think it was even a chance encounter in the Quad, not even a sitdown talk. Anyway, I'd been struggling with heavy existential meaninglessness, not always present, but a darkness ominously pressing in the edges of the picture frame. We got talking about purpose, you said you were existentialist. I asked you, don't you find it horrifyingly empty to live in a world with no God, meaning or purpose? And you responded with the totally novel concept that in a world with no God, meaning or purpose, with no high judge in the sky or forewritten destiny, you have the freedom to find your own purpose, to make your own destiny. It's actually quite liberating. To you, in fact, the idea of a higher power dictating your life and purpose was quite unsettling.
You then continued on to the dining hall like some sort of messenger, and I went home and read the Camus book that had been sitting on my shelf for years. A few Camus books and a few years later I've come to a sort of epicurean moral relativism that suits me quite well.
So, thanks :)
Also, I happened to be scanning your gallows speeches post above while I was ringing up my girlfriend. I got to Oscar Wilde's "either that wallpaper goes or I do" right as she picked up--and had a hell of a time explaining to her why I burst out laughing as soon as she said 'hello.'
Wow, what a really nice thing to read :) Thank you Ash, this really means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteNice! you entertain me I enjoy reading it,thanks a lot.
ReplyDeleteHello William and thank you muchly! Yes of course on linking :)
ReplyDelete